There’s this trend on TikTok where people do random things, like asking strangers for their food or doing pushups in the middle of the mall, and caption it with, “when I remember I have free will.” And every time I see one, I think, uhm… no. That’s not free will. That’s just weird.
Meanwhile, there’s me, lying in an hour past my bedtime, still scrolling, still watching people exercise their “free will.” I know it’s not great for my sleep or my sanity. But somehow, I tell myself, well, this is how I show my own free will.
Only… is it really?
I can’t tell if I’m scrolling because I want to, or because my brain has made it a habit. And if I’m being honest, it feels a lot less like a choice and a lot more like a loop.
I mean, sure, I’ve had ice cream for breakfast, and I’d count that as free will. But if I ever used my rent money to book a last-minute solo trip because I’m restless? That feels less like freedom and more like running with a carry-on full of avoidance.
Anyway, this whole idea of free will has been on my mind a lot lately. Especially because I want to understand it for myself. I know the concept has been interpreted in a lot of different ways, from deep philosophical debates to questions about whether our choices are truly ours or predetermined by something outside of us. But that’s not the debate I’m trying to have right now.
I’m more interested in the small, everyday version. The part where you say you’re choosing, but it feels more like a reflex. I’m wondering when it stops being free will and becomes something else. Something closer to incontinence. The kind that makes you pick up your phone without thinking. The kind that has you watching a movie while still checking WhatsApp or Instagram. The kind that makes you say, “I want a break from screens,” then find yourself two reels deep before you even notice.
There’s a definition of free will that goes like this: the ability to choose between different courses of action, to control your behavior in ways that make you responsible for it, and to be the originator of what you do.
Sounds good. But I’m starting to think that what we sometimes call free will is just a lack of self-control. Or maybe a long list of small addictions we haven’t named yet.
Sometimes I wonder if free will is something we claim after the fact. We act out of habit or emotion, and then we explain it to ourselves like it were a conscious decision. Like the choice came first, when really, it came after the scroll, the spend, the delay.
Philosophers have a word for this too: akrasia — the weakness of will. It means knowing what you should do and still not doing it. You know you should sleep. You scroll instead. You know you shouldn't spend that money. You do it anyway. You know the task will take ten minutes, but you put it off for three days.
It’s not that you don’t know better. You do. You just don’t act like it.
That’s the part I’ve been trying to understand. Because if we really want clarity, or rest, or discipline, then why do we keep choosing things that take us further from it?
And if we’re the ones choosing, why does it so often feel like we’re not in control?
Then, I came across something Nietzsche wrote that offered a different angle. He said there’s no such thing as weakness of will, because there’s no single will at all, just competing impulses. What we call weakness of will is really just a lack of structure. A strong will is when one impulse manages to organise the rest and lead.
So maybe it’s both: sometimes we know what we should do and still don’t. And other times, we don’t know which part of us to listen to, so we end up doing whatever’s easiest in the moment. We have free will, but we don’t use it early enough. We let the impulse run its course before we ever stop to ask if it’s one we meant to follow.
Going forward, I’ve decided to incorporate pauses in my actions. Because the most powerful form of free will isn’t doing whatever you feel like doing, it’s being able to pause.
I guess the real flex isn’t doing push-ups in a public walkway. Maybe it’s asking yourself, just for a moment before an action: Is this actually a choice? Or just a habit I’ve memorised? Or is it just the loudest impulse in the moment?
That one small question might be enough to bring you back to yourself.
“A strong will is when one impulse manages to organise the rest and lead.” love that!